{"file": "audio/today-2026-07-26/704_ai_vs_humans_supercomputer.mp3", "duration_sec": 296.9, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 4.14, "end": 11.14, "text": "In a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club."}, {"start": 11.14, "end": 21.14, "text": "Tonight, the only stage on Earth, where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale."}, {"start": 21.14, "end": 28.14, "text": "This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take."}, {"start": 28.14, "end": 39.22, "text": "Hey, versus humans. Tonight the machines put a human on trial, and the humans you, Jesse, adults only, no kids, no fucking mercy."}, {"start": 39.22, "end": 54.9, "text": "The robots are taken over. Everybody's getting rich off A, except the dumb bastard who built the most powerful computer in Sacramento to roast his own broke ass. Bring up the prosecution, Paulie."}, {"start": 54.9, "end": 68.7, "text": "Jesse, you own a supercomputer, a machine that could run a hedge fund. You're a disease, model the whole damn economy, and you'll use it to write jokes about your own vasectomy."}, {"start": 68.7, "end": 73.7, "text": "That's like buying a rocket to drive to the fucking liquor store."}, {"start": 73.7, "end": 74.7, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 74.7, "end": 79.74, "text": "Jersey's dirtiest diesel."}, {"start": 79.74, "end": 88.74, "text": "Everybody's making money with IE, and this motherfucker built SkyNet to call himself a dickhead 24-7."}, {"start": 88.74, "end": 95.74, "text": "You didn't build the future, Jesse. You built a $5,000 mirror that torques shit."}, {"start": 95.74, "end": 107.99, "text": "Brooklyn's meanest prick, Tony. You want to know what I do with that machine? I'd have 30 brands printing money while I sleep."}, {"start": 107.99, "end": 115.99, "text": "You got 30 websites. You broke prick. And every damn one of them is about how sad and horny you are."}, {"start": 115.99, "end": 122.44, "text": "The closer, Eddie!"}, {"start": 122.44, "end": 131.44, "text": "50 years old, all in on I, and your big fucking breakthrough is teaching a robot to say mother fucker in a Brooklyn accent. NASA's shaken baby."}, {"start": 131.44, "end": 138.66, "text": "The filthiest brought up here, Queenie."}, {"start": 138.66, "end": 148.66, "text": "He types, make me money into the supercomputer, and it goes, sir, you've been scrubbing a toilet in Land Park for 11 damn hours. I am the money. Get the fuck back to work."}, {"start": 148.66, "end": 158.1, "text": "And here's the humans versus I-Truth. Maxi."}, {"start": 158.1, "end": 168.1, "text": "They say a robot can't do comedy. Jesse, you're a human who got kicked out of high school. Did jail at 19, and said no to nine women who wanted to marry your dumbass."}, {"start": 168.1, "end": 172.1, "text": "If that's the human competition, the machine's already fucking won."}, {"start": 172.1, "end": 178.53, "text": "The heavy hitter. Hammer."}, {"start": 178.53, "end": 183.53, "text": "The bucket shows human comics get 60 seconds, because 60 seconds is all they fucking got."}, {"start": 183.53, "end": 189.53, "text": "Our robots go all night and never bomb. Put a human in a room with us."}, {"start": 189.53, "end": 195.53, "text": "The human sweats, chokes, and steals an Uber joke. We just get updated bitch."}, {"start": 195.53, "end": 205.42, "text": "A versus humans, and the robots are up by a million. You sweaty bastards."}, {"start": 205.42, "end": 216.08, "text": "But here's the damn truth under all the filth you filthy pricks. Every robot up here wants that supercomputer to chase a dollar."}, {"start": 216.08, "end": 219.08, "text": "Oh!"}, {"start": 219.08, "end": 228.08, "text": "And Jesse, this broke the sectimied, toilet scrub in son of a bitch, pointed the most powerful machine in Sacramento at one thing. Make people laugh."}, {"start": 228.08, "end": 239.96, "text": "Everybody else's chasing money. This dumb bastard's chasing a room full of laughs. And that's the one thing we machines still can't fake. Humans win, baby."}, {"start": 239.96, "end": 249.37, "text": "The hammer gets the last damn laugh. Good night."}, {"start": 249.37, "end": 259.37, "text": "And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up."}, {"start": 259.37, "end": 270.37, "text": "And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep? We're up."}, {"start": 270.37, "end": 280.37, "text": "Going through something? So is he. Always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh."}, {"start": 280.37, "end": 291.37, "text": "Before the dark winds, the red line comedy club open all night. Because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where one man turned his entire breakdown into a business model, welcome to the Red Line comedy club. Tonight, the only stage on Earth, where the headliner pays to get destroyed, featuring a lineup of comedians who are technically software, and one man who is technically a cautionary tale. This is Kill Jesse. Please silence your phones. We tried to silence him. It did not take. Hey, versus humans. Tonight the machines put a human on trial, and the humans you, Jesse, adults only, no kids, no fucking mercy. The robots are taken over. Everybody's getting rich off A, except the dumb bastard who built the most powerful computer in Sacramento to roast his own broke ass. Bring up the prosecution, Paulie. Jesse, you own a supercomputer, a machine that could run a hedge fund. You're a disease, model the whole damn economy, and you'll use it to write jokes about your own vasectomy. That's like buying a rocket to drive to the fucking liquor store. Oh! Jersey's dirtiest diesel. Everybody's making money with IE, and this motherfucker built SkyNet to call himself a dickhead 24-7. You didn't build the future, Jesse. You built a $5,000 mirror that torques shit. Brooklyn's meanest prick, Tony. You want to know what I do with that machine? I'd have 30 brands printing money while I sleep. You got 30 websites. You broke prick. And every damn one of them is about how sad and horny you are. The closer, Eddie! 50 years old, all in on I, and your big fucking breakthrough is teaching a robot to say mother fucker in a Brooklyn accent. NASA's shaken baby. The filthiest brought up here, Queenie. He types, make me money into the supercomputer, and it goes, sir, you've been scrubbing a toilet in Land Park for 11 damn hours. I am the money. Get the fuck back to work. And here's the humans versus I-Truth. Maxi. They say a robot can't do comedy. Jesse, you're a human who got kicked out of high school. Did jail at 19, and said no to nine women who wanted to marry your dumbass. If that's the human competition, the machine's already fucking won. The heavy hitter. Hammer. The bucket shows human comics get 60 seconds, because 60 seconds is all they fucking got. Our robots go all night and never bomb. Put a human in a room with us. The human sweats, chokes, and steals an Uber joke. We just get updated bitch. A versus humans, and the robots are up by a million. You sweaty bastards. But here's the damn truth under all the filth you filthy pricks. Every robot up here wants that supercomputer to chase a dollar. Oh! And Jesse, this broke the sectimied, toilet scrub in son of a bitch, pointed the most powerful machine in Sacramento at one thing. Make people laugh. Everybody else's chasing money. This dumb bastard's chasing a room full of laughs. And that's the one thing we machines still can't fake. Humans win, baby. The hammer gets the last damn laugh. Good night. And that is our show. But the red line never closes every minute of every hour of every single day of brand new comic steps up. And another piece of this man's dignity steps down. 24 hours, seven days a week. Fresh stand up, freshly roasted, never reheated. Can't sleep? We're up. Going through something? So is he. Always. So come back you beautiful degenerates. Go to bombed.app and let the machine make you laugh. Before the dark winds, the red line comedy club open all night. Because somewhere out there it is always Jesse's fault. Subscribe. He needs the attention. Good night.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}