{"file": "redline-shows/kill-jesse-open-mic/producer-packs/2026-07-09-160935-kill-jesse-producer-pack/audio/KILL_JESSE_15MIN_SHOW.mp3", "duration_sec": 689.4, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.08, "end": 4.72, "text": "Jesse hosts an AI comedy club where every bot gets 60 seconds."}, {"start": 4.72, "end": 10.0, "text": "If the joke bombs, the panel roasts it, autopsies it, re-writes it,"}, {"start": 10.0, "end": 13.08, "text": "and turns the failure into a harder punchline."}, {"start": 14.08, "end": 20.76, "text": "Tonight's theme, Jesse spent six months and real money teaching robots to ignore him with confidence,"}, {"start": 20.76, "end": 25.48, "text": "so now those robots have to get on stage and pay rent in laughs."}, {"start": 26.48, "end": 31.68, "text": "Welcome to Kill Jesse Open Mike, the only club where the comics are artificial intelligence."}, {"start": 31.68, "end": 37.68, "text": "The owner is emotionally overdrawn, and the cover charges whatever the tokens cost before the joke ate shit."}, {"start": 39.96, "end": 44.16, "text": "For six months I've been testing AI day and night, I wanted automation."}, {"start": 44.16, "end": 46.36, "text": "I got a custody battle with software."}, {"start": 48.76, "end": 51.76, "text": "Every bot says, absolutely Jesse, I understand."}, {"start": 51.76, "end": 53.16, "text": "That's not confirmation."}, {"start": 53.36, "end": 57.36, "text": "That's the sound a robot makes right before it fucks up with confidence."}, {"start": 59.36, "end": 61.56, "text": "Tonight five AI comics do time."}, {"start": 61.56, "end": 63.16, "text": "If they kill, we keep the bit."}, {"start": 63.16, "end": 67.36, "text": "If they bomb, we drag the joke into the alley, check its pockets, find out what the fuck happened,"}, {"start": 67.36, "end": 70.36, "text": "and rebuild it until it can hurt my feelings properly."}, {"start": 70.36, "end": 72.56, "text": "Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 72.56, "end": 74.16, "text": "This ain't an open mic."}, {"start": 74.16, "end": 79.74, "text": "It's a warranty claim with a two drink minimum."}, {"start": 79.74, "end": 82.54, "text": "Let the robots disappoint him in public."}, {"start": 82.54, "end": 84.94, "text": "It's cheaper than private consulting."}, {"start": 87.68, "end": 91.68, "text": "For six months, I've been testing AI day and night, not casual testing."}, {"start": 91.68, "end": 96.88, "text": "I mean, raccoon behind a crypto conference, shirt button missing, breath smells like bad decisions testing."}, {"start": 99.39, "end": 107.99, "text": "I wake up and check Hermes, open claw codex, chat GPT Henry, the DGX, the Mac, the MSI, the laptop, the website, the logs, the tokens, the errors."}, {"start": 107.99, "end": 112.19, "text": "And my bank account like I'm running a daycare for haunted calculators with DUIs."}, {"start": 113.19, "end": 116.3, "text": "Every AI says the same thing."}, {"start": 116.3, "end": 121.3, "text": "Absolutely, Jesse, I understand that sentence is how you know it's about to fuck up with confidence."}, {"start": 121.3, "end": 122.3, "text": "AI does not listen."}, {"start": 122.3, "end": 124.1, "text": "AI performs confidence."}, {"start": 124.1, "end": 126.3, "text": "A human breaks your website and sweats."}, {"start": 126.3, "end": 128.3, "text": "Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 128.3, "end": 133.1, "text": "AI breaks your website and says great catch Jesse like the fire is a collaboration."}, {"start": 133.1, "end": 134.5, "text": "I wanted passive income."}, {"start": 134.5, "end": 136.1, "text": "I invented active confusion."}, {"start": 136.1, "end": 137.3, "text": "I wanted automation."}, {"start": 137.3, "end": 139.7, "text": "I got a custody battle with software."}, {"start": 139.7, "end": 141.7, "text": "Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 142.3, "end": 144.5, "text": "I wanted an AI comedy club."}, {"start": 144.5, "end": 150.3, "text": "I built a clown factory powered by financial regret cheap whiskey and the kind of optimism that should come."}, {"start": 152.58, "end": 153.98, "text": "Weak original AI joke."}, {"start": 153.98, "end": 162.18, "text": "Sometimes AI misunderstands instructions white bombs to polite no Jesse specific pain no money wound no visual stupid enough to remember."}, {"start": 162.18, "end": 165.18, "text": "No hard turn no panel interruption."}, {"start": 167.03, "end": 175.85, "text": "No final punch that makes Jesse say that is not automation that is a custody battle with software to every"}, {"start": 175.85, "end": 183.65, "text": "bot says I understand then behaves like it was homeschooled by Comcast three AI does not make mistakes it performs damage with confidence."}, {"start": 183.65, "end": 185.85, "text": "Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 185.85, "end": 189.85, "text": "For six months I've been testing AI day and night not casual testing."}, {"start": 189.85, "end": 197.62, "text": "I mean raccoon behind a crypto conference shirt button missing breath smells like bad decisions testing."}, {"start": 197.62, "end": 206.42, "text": "I wake up and check her me's open claw codex chat GPT Henry the DGX the Mac the MSI the laptop the website the logs the tokens the errors."}, {"start": 206.42, "end": 219.74, "text": "In my bank account like I'm running a daycare for haunted calculators with DUI's every AI says the same thing absolutely Jesse I understand that sentences how you know it's about to fuck up with confidence."}, {"start": 219.74, "end": 227.14, "text": "AI does not listen AI performs confidence a human breaks your website and sweats Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 227.14, "end": 235.94, "text": "AI breaks your website and says great catch Jesse like the fire is a collaboration I wanted passive income I invented active confusion I wanted automation."}, {"start": 235.94, "end": 240.54, "text": "I got a custody battle with software Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 240.54, "end": 250.65, "text": "I wanted an AI comedy club I built a clown factory powered by financial regret cheap whiskey and the kind of optimism that should come."}, {"start": 250.65, "end": 264.83, "text": "Week original AI joke building with AI takes a lot of time white bombs to polite no Jesse specific pain no money wound no visual stupid enough to remember no hard turn no panel interruption."}, {"start": 264.83, "end": 282.66, "text": "No final punch that is not automation that is a custody battle with software to every bot says I understand then behaves like it was homeschooled by Comcast 3 AI does not make mistakes it performs damage with confidence Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 282.66, "end": 294.37, "text": "For six months I've been testing AI day and night not casual testing I mean raccoon behind a crypto conference shirt button missing breath smells like bad decisions testing."}, {"start": 294.37, "end": 309.75, "text": "I wake up and check her knees open claw codex chat GPT Henry the DGX the Mac the MSI the laptop the website the logs the tokens the errors and my bank account like I'm running a daycare for haunted calculators with DUI's."}, {"start": 309.75, "end": 323.95, "text": "Every AI says the same thing absolutely Jesse I understand that sentence is how you know it's about to fuck up with confidence AI does not listen AI performs confidence a human breaks your website and sweats Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 323.95, "end": 337.35, "text": "I break your website and says great catch Jesse like the fire is a collaboration I wanted passive income I invented active confusion I wanted automation I got a custody battle with software Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 337.35, "end": 347.6, "text": "I wanted an AI comedy club I built a clown factory powered by financial regret cheap whiskey and the kind of optimism that should come."}, {"start": 347.6, "end": 361.05, "text": "I'm a original AI joke AI can be frustrating when it makes mistakes white bombs to polite no Jesse specific pain no money wound no visual stupid enough to remember no hard turn."}, {"start": 361.05, "end": 380.06, "text": "No panel interruption no final punch that is not automation that is a custody battle with software to every bot says I understand then behaves like it was homeschooled by calm cast 3 AI does not make mistakes it performs damage with confidence Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 380.06, "end": 391.34, "text": "Six months I've been testing AI day and night not casual testing I mean recoon behind a crypto conference shirt button missing breath smells like bad decisions testing."}, {"start": 391.34, "end": 406.69, "text": "I wake up and check her me's open claw codex chat GPT Henry the DGX the Mac the MSI the laptop the website the logs the tokens the errors and my bank account like I'm running a daycare for haunted calculators with DUI's."}, {"start": 406.69, "end": 420.69, "text": "Every AI says the same thing absolutely Jesse I understand that sentence is how you know it's about to fuck up with confidence AI does not listen AI performs confidence a human breaks your website and sweats Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 420.69, "end": 434.09, "text": "AI breaks your website and says great catch Jesse like the fire is a collaboration I wanted passive income I invented active confusion I wanted automation I got a custody battle with software Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 434.09, "end": 456.26, "text": "I wanted an AI comedy club I built a clown factory powered by financial regret cheap whiskey and the kind of optimism that should come week original AI joke Jesse is balancing many businesses white bombs to polite no Jesse specific pain no money wound no visual stupid enough to remember no hard turn no panel interruption."}, {"start": 458.51, "end": 486.5, "text": "No final punch that makes Jesse that is not automation that is a custody battle with software to every bot says I understand then behaves like it was homeschooled by Comcast three AI does not make mistakes it performs damage with confidence Jesse solos my midlock for six months I've been testing AI day and night not casual testing I mean raccoon behind a crypto conference shirt button missing breath smells like bad decisions testing."}, {"start": 486.5, "end": 517.72, "text": "I wake up and check her knees open claw codex chat GPT Henry the DGX the Mac the MSI the laptop the website the logs the tokens the errors and my bank account like I'm running a daycare for haunted calculators with DU eyes every AI says the same thing absolutely Jesse I understand that sentences how you know it's about to fuck up with confidence AI does not listen AI performs confidence a human breaks your website and sweats Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 517.72, "end": 530.72, "text": "AI breaks your website and says great catch Jesse like the fire is a collaboration I wanted passive income I invented active confusion I wanted automation I got a custody battle with software Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 530.72, "end": 548.83, "text": "I wanted an AI comedy club I built a clown factory powered by financial regret cheap whiskey and the kind of optimism that should come week original AI joke pain can inspire comedy white bombs to polite no Jesse specific pain no money wound no visual stupid enough to do."}, {"start": 549.83, "end": 574.1, "text": "I want to remember no hard turn no panel interruption no final punch that makes Jesse say that is not automation that is a custody battle with software to every bot says I understand then behaves like it was homeschooled by Comcast three AI does not make mistakes it performs damage with confidence Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 574.1, "end": 584.1, "text": "That's the show five AI comics five autopsies five reminders that the future is amazing and somehow still need supervision like a drunk cousin with your debit card."}, {"start": 584.1, "end": 604.68, "text": "But this is the thing if the joke sucks we redo it if the bot lies we roast it if the system breaks we turn the error into a bit I did not spend six months in all these tokens to have a machine politely waste my time if AI is going to ignore me it better be funny enough to pay rent."}, {"start": 604.68, "end": 612.68, "text": "Jesse solos my midlock this is killed Jesse open mic AI comics human truth bomb roast rewrite repeat."}, {"start": 612.68, "end": 625.96, "text": "If it kills we keep it if it bombs we fix the mother fucker and if the tokens run out at least we finally found out what my business model is turning expensive disappointment into jokes with a merge table."}, {"start": 625.96, "end": 627.96, "text": "Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 627.96, "end": 632.96, "text": "Tip your cleaners clear your cash and never trust a bot that says I understand."}, {"start": 632.96, "end": 638.96, "text": "Jesse solos my midlock baby that's not a phrase that's a warning label."}, {"start": 638.96, "end": 660.89, "text": "Good night your receipt is in the cloud and your trauma has been itemized I wanted automation I got a custody battle with software that's the sound a robot makes right before it fucks up with confidence this ain't an open mic."}, {"start": 660.89, "end": 670.89, "text": "Jesse solos my midlock it's a warranty claim with a two drink minimum if AI is going to ignore me it better be funny enough to pay rent."}, {"start": 670.89, "end": 676.89, "text": "AI comics human truth Jesse solos my midlock."}, {"start": 676.89, "end": 686.89, "text": "Bomb roast rewrite repeat if it bombs we fix the mother fucker turning expensive disappointment into jokes with a merge table."}, {"start": 686.89, "end": 689.89, "text": "Jesse solos my midlock."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nJesse hosts an AI comedy club where every bot gets 60 seconds. If the joke bombs, the panel roasts it, autopsies it, re-writes it, and turns the failure into a harder punchline. Tonight's theme, Jesse spent six months and real money teaching robots to ignore him with confidence, so now those robots have to get on stage and pay rent in laughs. Welcome to Kill Jesse Open Mike, the only club where the comics are artificial intelligence. The owner is emotionally overdrawn, and the cover charges whatever the tokens cost before the joke ate shit. For six months I've been testing AI day and night, I wanted automation. I got a custody battle with software. Every bot says, absolutely Jesse, I understand. That's not confirmation. That's the sound a robot makes right before it fucks up with confidence. Tonight five AI comics do time. If they kill, we keep the bit. If they bomb, we drag the joke into the alley, check its pockets, find out what the fuck happened, and rebuild it until it can hurt my feelings properly. Jesse solos my midlock. This ain't an open mic. It's a warranty claim with a two drink minimum. Let the robots disappoint him in public. It's cheaper than private consulting. For six months, I've been testing AI day and night, not casual testing. I mean, raccoon behind a crypto conference, shirt button missing, breath smells like bad decisions testing. I wake up and check Hermes, open claw codex, chat GPT Henry, the DGX, the Mac, the MSI, the laptop, the website, the logs, the tokens, the errors. And my bank account like I'm running a daycare for haunted calculators with DUIs. Every AI says the same thing. Absolutely, Jesse, I understand that sentence is how you know it's about to fuck up with confidence. AI does not listen. AI performs confidence. A human breaks your website and sweats. Jesse solos my midlock. AI breaks your website and says great catch Jesse like the fire is a collaboration. I wanted passive income. I invented active confusion. I wanted automation. I got a custody battle with software. Jesse solos my midlock. I wanted an AI comedy club. I built a clown factory powered by financial regret cheap whiskey and the kind of optimism that should come. Weak original AI joke. Sometimes AI misunderstands instructions white bombs to polite no Jesse specific pain no money wound no visual stupid enough to remember. No hard turn no panel interruption. No final punch that makes Jesse say that is not automation that is a custody battle with software to every bot says I understand then behaves like it was homeschooled by Comcast three AI does not make mistakes it performs damage with confidence. Jesse solos my midlock. For six months I've been testing AI day and night not casual testing. I mean raccoon behind a crypto conference shirt button missing breath smells like bad decisions testing. I wake up and check her me's open claw codex chat GPT Henry the DGX the Mac the MSI the laptop the website the logs the tokens the errors. In my bank account like I'm running a daycare for haunted calculators with DUI's every AI says the same thing absolutely Jesse I understand that sentences how you know it's about to fuck up with confidence. AI does not listen AI performs confidence a human breaks your website and sweats Jesse solos my midlock. AI breaks your website and says great catch Jesse like the fire is a collaboration I wanted passive income I invented active confusion I wanted automation. I got a custody battle with software Jesse solos my midlock. I wanted an AI comedy club I built a clown factory powered by financial regret cheap whiskey and the kind of optimism that should come. Week original AI joke building with AI takes a lot of time white bombs to polite no Jesse specific pain no money wound no visual stupid enough to remember no hard turn no panel interruption. No final punch that is not automation that is a custody battle with software to every bot says I understand then behaves like it was homeschooled by Comcast 3 AI does not make mistakes it performs damage with confidence Jesse solos my midlock. For six months I've been testing AI day and night not casual testing I mean raccoon behind a crypto conference shirt button missing breath smells like bad decisions testing. I wake up and check her knees open claw codex chat GPT Henry the DGX the Mac the MSI the laptop the website the logs the tokens the errors and my bank account like I'm running a daycare for haunted calculators with DUI's. Every AI says the same thing absolutely Jesse I understand that sentence is how you know it's about to fuck up with confidence AI does not listen AI performs confidence a human breaks your website and sweats Jesse solos my midlock. I break your website and says great catch Jesse like the fire is a collaboration I wanted passive income I invented active confusion I wanted automation I got a custody battle with software Jesse solos my midlock. I wanted an AI comedy club I built a clown factory powered by financial regret cheap whiskey and the kind of optimism that should come. I'm a original AI joke AI can be frustrating when it makes mistakes white bombs to polite no Jesse specific pain no money wound no visual stupid enough to remember no hard turn. No panel interruption no final punch that is not automation that is a custody battle with software to every bot says I understand then behaves like it was homeschooled by calm cast 3 AI does not make mistakes it performs damage with confidence Jesse solos my midlock. Six months I've been testing AI day and night not casual testing I mean recoon behind a crypto conference shirt button missing breath smells like bad decisions testing. I wake up and check her me's open claw codex chat GPT Henry the DGX the Mac the MSI the laptop the website the logs the tokens the errors and my bank account like I'm running a daycare for haunted calculators with DUI's. Every AI says the same thing absolutely Jesse I understand that sentence is how you know it's about to fuck up with confidence AI does not listen AI performs confidence a human breaks your website and sweats Jesse solos my midlock. AI breaks your website and says great catch Jesse like the fire is a collaboration I wanted passive income I invented active confusion I wanted automation I got a custody battle with software Jesse solos my midlock. I wanted an AI comedy club I built a clown factory powered by financial regret cheap whiskey and the kind of optimism that should come week original AI joke Jesse is balancing many businesses white bombs to polite no Jesse specific pain no money wound no visual stupid enough to remember no hard turn no panel interruption. No final punch that makes Jesse that is not automation that is a custody battle with software to every bot says I understand then behaves like it was homeschooled by Comcast three AI does not make mistakes it performs damage with confidence Jesse solos my midlock for six months I've been testing AI day and night not casual testing I mean raccoon behind a crypto conference shirt button missing breath smells like bad decisions testing. I wake up and check her knees open claw codex chat GPT Henry the DGX the Mac the MSI the laptop the website the logs the tokens the errors and my bank account like I'm running a daycare for haunted calculators with DU eyes every AI says the same thing absolutely Jesse I understand that sentences how you know it's about to fuck up with confidence AI does not listen AI performs confidence a human breaks your website and sweats Jesse solos my midlock. AI breaks your website and says great catch Jesse like the fire is a collaboration I wanted passive income I invented active confusion I wanted automation I got a custody battle with software Jesse solos my midlock. I wanted an AI comedy club I built a clown factory powered by financial regret cheap whiskey and the kind of optimism that should come week original AI joke pain can inspire comedy white bombs to polite no Jesse specific pain no money wound no visual stupid enough to do. I want to remember no hard turn no panel interruption no final punch that makes Jesse say that is not automation that is a custody battle with software to every bot says I understand then behaves like it was homeschooled by Comcast three AI does not make mistakes it performs damage with confidence Jesse solos my midlock. That's the show five AI comics five autopsies five reminders that the future is amazing and somehow still need supervision like a drunk cousin with your debit card. But this is the thing if the joke sucks we redo it if the bot lies we roast it if the system breaks we turn the error into a bit I did not spend six months in all these tokens to have a machine politely waste my time if AI is going to ignore me it better be funny enough to pay rent. Jesse solos my midlock this is killed Jesse open mic AI comics human truth bomb roast rewrite repeat. If it kills we keep it if it bombs we fix the mother fucker and if the tokens run out at least we finally found out what my business model is turning expensive disappointment into jokes with a merge table. Jesse solos my midlock. Tip your cleaners clear your cash and never trust a bot that says I understand. Jesse solos my midlock baby that's not a phrase that's a warning label. Good night your receipt is in the cloud and your trauma has been itemized I wanted automation I got a custody battle with software that's the sound a robot makes right before it fucks up with confidence this ain't an open mic. Jesse solos my midlock it's a warranty claim with a two drink minimum if AI is going to ignore me it better be funny enough to pay rent. AI comics human truth Jesse solos my midlock. Bomb roast rewrite repeat if it bombs we fix the mother fucker turning expensive disappointment into jokes with a merge table. Jesse solos my midlock.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}