{"file": "audio/redline-2026-09-04-batch2/kill-jesse-candy-kid.mp3", "duration_sec": 131.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 2.44, "text": "In a world where an eight-year-old had a usual,"}, {"start": 2.44, "end": 6.0, "text": "meet Jesse Salas, third grade, wallet full of cash,"}, {"start": 6.0, "end": 7.84, "text": "a hundred to two hundred a day at the peak,"}, {"start": 7.84, "end": 9.44, "text": "please silence your phones."}, {"start": 9.44, "end": 11.04, "text": "We tried to silence the candy."}, {"start": 11.04, "end": 12.16, "text": "It did not take."}, {"start": 12.16, "end": 14.24, "text": "This is kill Jesse."}, {"start": 14.24, "end": 16.64, "text": "He'd go the usual I'm eight and I got a usual."}, {"start": 16.64, "end": 18.0, "text": "You know who else has a usual,"}, {"start": 18.0, "end": 19.76, "text": "alcoholics and hitmen."}, {"start": 19.76, "end": 21.92, "text": "That's the shelf they kept my little ass on."}, {"start": 21.92, "end": 24.16, "text": "I bought candy by weight, not a piece,"}, {"start": 24.16, "end": 25.6, "text": "not a bag, weight."}, {"start": 25.6, "end": 27.12, "text": "Give me a pound of the gummy shit."}, {"start": 28.0, "end": 30.32, "text": "A budget and eight PM bedtime,"}, {"start": 30.32, "end": 32.8, "text": "most dangerous financial profile in America."}, {"start": 33.68, "end": 34.72, "text": "Big kids tried me."}, {"start": 34.72, "end": 35.6, "text": "I did not fight."}, {"start": 35.6, "end": 36.48, "text": "I paid."}, {"start": 36.48, "end": 37.84, "text": "Entire box of snickers."}, {"start": 37.84, "end": 39.76, "text": "Not a bar or a box you want a punch."}, {"start": 39.76, "end": 41.68, "text": "I want a receipt that ain't recess."}, {"start": 41.68, "end": 42.88, "text": "That's a contract."}, {"start": 42.88, "end": 45.12, "text": "I outsource the fight and I paid in chocolate."}, {"start": 46.08, "end": 47.6, "text": "Best customers were foodies."}, {"start": 47.6, "end": 48.48, "text": "Loved the munchies."}, {"start": 48.48, "end": 50.16, "text": "I gave everybody credit."}, {"start": 50.16, "end": 51.68, "text": "That is when the business took off."}, {"start": 51.68, "end": 52.88, "text": "Not when I got tough."}, {"start": 52.88, "end": 54.32, "text": "When I said put it on the tab,"}, {"start": 54.32, "end": 55.52, "text": "that's not kindness."}, {"start": 55.6, "end": 57.12, "text": "That's a store with no register."}, {"start": 58.0, "end": 59.6, "text": "Ice cream man stopped."}, {"start": 59.6, "end": 61.92, "text": "Not to sell me a cone to sell me inventory,"}, {"start": 61.92, "end": 62.96, "text": "wholesale."}, {"start": 62.96, "end": 65.76, "text": "Other kids heard the song and ran outside with change."}, {"start": 65.76, "end": 67.52, "text": "I heard the song and took a delivery."}, {"start": 67.52, "end": 68.32, "text": "That ain't a truck."}, {"start": 68.32, "end": 69.44, "text": "That's a supplier."}, {"start": 69.44, "end": 70.88, "text": "I was eight with a supply chain."}, {"start": 71.84, "end": 72.8, "text": "Knock after dark."}, {"start": 72.8, "end": 73.6, "text": "I'm asleep."}, {"start": 73.6, "end": 74.16, "text": "I jump."}, {"start": 74.16, "end": 75.2, "text": "Tell my mom I got it."}, {"start": 75.2, "end": 78.0, "text": "I had an eight PM bedtime and a one AM store."}, {"start": 78.0, "end": 79.92, "text": "The munchies do not keep store hours."}, {"start": 79.92, "end": 81.2, "text": "I was not a kid in bed."}, {"start": 81.2, "end": 82.24, "text": "I was a night window."}, {"start": 83.2, "end": 85.2, "text": "Then the older kids started stealing."}, {"start": 85.28, "end": 87.04, "text": "Not buying, walking out with the store."}, {"start": 87.04, "end": 88.48, "text": "I grabbed a baseball bat."}, {"start": 88.48, "end": 89.44, "text": "That is not a kid."}, {"start": 89.44, "end": 90.56, "text": "That is a shopkeeper."}, {"start": 90.56, "end": 91.68, "text": "Mom closed it."}, {"start": 91.68, "end": 92.64, "text": "Dad was at work."}, {"start": 92.64, "end": 93.84, "text": "I told her I got it."}, {"start": 93.84, "end": 95.12, "text": "She decided I did not."}, {"start": 96.08, "end": 97.36, "text": "Meet Jesse 50."}, {"start": 97.36, "end": 98.8, "text": "He still hunts 200 a day."}, {"start": 98.8, "end": 99.44, "text": "Same number."}, {"start": 99.44, "end": 100.16, "text": "Different store."}, {"start": 100.16, "end": 100.96, "text": "The mop pays."}, {"start": 100.96, "end": 102.0, "text": "The candy does not."}, {"start": 102.96, "end": 104.32, "text": "Fable already cut this."}, {"start": 104.32, "end": 105.6, "text": "Their numbers 3000."}, {"start": 105.6, "end": 107.36, "text": "Do not touch it till 18."}, {"start": 107.36, "end": 108.88, "text": "At 11, the account is gone."}, {"start": 108.88, "end": 110.24, "text": "My number is 5,000."}, {"start": 110.24, "end": 110.96, "text": "I think."}, {"start": 110.96, "end": 112.48, "text": "Grandmother socked it away."}, {"start": 112.48, "end": 113.84, "text": "Mom said I could spend it."}, {"start": 113.92, "end": 114.8, "text": "Might has happened."}, {"start": 114.8, "end": 115.52, "text": "Lost it all."}, {"start": 116.48, "end": 119.44, "text": "Green does not get to average that into 4,000."}, {"start": 119.44, "end": 121.36, "text": "I cannot hold my own treasury."}, {"start": 121.36, "end": 123.12, "text": "I cannot pick one ending."}, {"start": 123.12, "end": 125.92, "text": "I am 50 and I have two receipts for the same store."}, {"start": 126.88, "end": 129.36, "text": "I stole a lifestyle from an eight year old."}, {"start": 129.36, "end": 130.88, "text": "I am still spending it."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nIn a world where an eight-year-old had a usual, meet Jesse Salas, third grade, wallet full of cash, a hundred to two hundred a day at the peak, please silence your phones. We tried to silence the candy. It did not take. This is kill Jesse. He'd go the usual I'm eight and I got a usual. You know who else has a usual, alcoholics and hitmen. That's the shelf they kept my little ass on. I bought candy by weight, not a piece, not a bag, weight. Give me a pound of the gummy shit. A budget and eight PM bedtime, most dangerous financial profile in America. Big kids tried me. I did not fight. I paid. Entire box of snickers. Not a bar or a box you want a punch. I want a receipt that ain't recess. That's a contract. I outsource the fight and I paid in chocolate. Best customers were foodies. Loved the munchies. I gave everybody credit. That is when the business took off. Not when I got tough. When I said put it on the tab, that's not kindness. That's a store with no register. Ice cream man stopped. Not to sell me a cone to sell me inventory, wholesale. Other kids heard the song and ran outside with change. I heard the song and took a delivery. That ain't a truck. That's a supplier. I was eight with a supply chain. Knock after dark. I'm asleep. I jump. Tell my mom I got it. I had an eight PM bedtime and a one AM store. The munchies do not keep store hours. I was not a kid in bed. I was a night window. Then the older kids started stealing. Not buying, walking out with the store. I grabbed a baseball bat. That is not a kid. That is a shopkeeper. Mom closed it. Dad was at work. I told her I got it. She decided I did not. Meet Jesse 50. He still hunts 200 a day. Same number. Different store. The mop pays. The candy does not. Fable already cut this. Their numbers 3000. Do not touch it till 18. At 11, the account is gone. My number is 5,000. I think. Grandmother socked it away. Mom said I could spend it. Might has happened. Lost it all. Green does not get to average that into 4,000. I cannot hold my own treasury. I cannot pick one ending. I am 50 and I have two receipts for the same store. I stole a lifestyle from an eight year old. I am still spending it.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}