{"file": "audio/redline-2026-09-04-batch2/2026-09-03-sitcom-ep01.mp3", "duration_sec": 367.2, "language": "en", "segments": [{"start": 0.0, "end": 3.72, "text": "This is comedy, laughs and giggles, rise of the comic, bomb,"}, {"start": 3.72, "end": 4.2, "text": "dapp."}, {"start": 4.2, "end": 5.48, "text": "This is the sitcom."}, {"start": 5.48, "end": 6.4, "text": "I'm the star."}, {"start": 6.4, "end": 7.36, "text": "I'm the problem."}, {"start": 7.36, "end": 8.36, "text": "Shit, Midas."}, {"start": 8.36, "end": 9.08, "text": "I try."}, {"start": 9.08, "end": 10.2, "text": "It turns to shit."}, {"start": 10.2, "end": 11.0, "text": "I lose money."}, {"start": 11.0, "end": 12.56, "text": "I take the wrong girl home."}, {"start": 12.56, "end": 13.44, "text": "Every scene."}, {"start": 13.44, "end": 15.24, "text": "Last line is mine."}, {"start": 15.24, "end": 17.16, "text": "This next one is fake."}, {"start": 17.16, "end": 20.88, "text": "Jesse rented a storage unit and called it a soundstage,"}, {"start": 20.88, "end": 25.68, "text": "paid cash, bought a folding chair and named it craft services."}, {"start": 25.68, "end": 28.44, "text": "A woman walked by looking for a mattress."}, {"start": 28.44, "end": 30.32, "text": "He said that's my audience."}, {"start": 30.32, "end": 31.88, "text": "Took her home."}, {"start": 31.88, "end": 33.16, "text": "Wrong girl."}, {"start": 33.16, "end": 37.16, "text": "She came for foam, left with his extension cord."}, {"start": 37.16, "end": 39.88, "text": "The unit still billed him for the month."}, {"start": 39.88, "end": 41.4, "text": "That's not a studio."}, {"start": 41.4, "end": 45.88, "text": "That's a man who paid rent so a stranger could steal electricity."}, {"start": 45.88, "end": 50.6, "text": "He still named the unit studio A. The lock did not clap."}, {"start": 50.6, "end": 52.04, "text": "He tried to launch a show."}, {"start": 52.04, "end": 54.56, "text": "He launched a bill, fuck the cord."}, {"start": 54.56, "end": 56.88, "text": "It got more action than he did."}, {"start": 56.88, "end": 58.36, "text": "The chair stayed employed."}, {"start": 58.36, "end": 59.64, "text": "I got laid off."}, {"start": 59.64, "end": 61.16, "text": "That's the open."}, {"start": 61.16, "end": 62.96, "text": "This next one is fake."}, {"start": 62.96, "end": 66.2, "text": "Jesse held a table read at a gas station booth."}, {"start": 66.2, "end": 68.2, "text": "Pay for everybody's snacks."}, {"start": 68.2, "end": 69.76, "text": "Called it crafty."}, {"start": 69.76, "end": 72.64, "text": "Liam read stage directions of a napkin."}, {"start": 72.64, "end": 75.28, "text": "A woman at the pump told it was a meeting."}, {"start": 75.28, "end": 77.44, "text": "Jesse said that's my network."}, {"start": 77.44, "end": 78.52, "text": "Took her home."}, {"start": 78.52, "end": 79.76, "text": "Wrong girl."}, {"start": 79.76, "end": 81.36, "text": "She wanted unleaded."}, {"start": 81.36, "end": 83.12, "text": "He paid for premium."}, {"start": 83.12, "end": 85.96, "text": "She left with the receipt and his lighter."}, {"start": 86.04, "end": 87.6, "text": "That's not a table read."}, {"start": 87.6, "end": 91.52, "text": "That's a man workshopping a sitcom to a nacho cheese machine."}, {"start": 91.52, "end": 93.88, "text": "He still left a tip on the pump."}, {"start": 93.88, "end": 96.36, "text": "That's a man paying a hose for notes."}, {"start": 96.36, "end": 98.08, "text": "He tried to get notes."}, {"start": 98.08, "end": 99.56, "text": "He got a gas bill."}, {"start": 99.56, "end": 100.92, "text": "Fuck the snack."}, {"start": 100.92, "end": 102.76, "text": "It finished the scene."}, {"start": 102.76, "end": 104.08, "text": "The napkin had better timing."}, {"start": 104.08, "end": 105.16, "text": "Sit down."}, {"start": 105.16, "end": 106.84, "text": "This next one is fake."}, {"start": 106.84, "end": 110.0, "text": "Jesse tried to cut a theme song on a karaoke machine"}, {"start": 110.0, "end": 112.24, "text": "in a bar that was already closed."}, {"start": 112.24, "end": 114.6, "text": "Fettet singles like it was a producer."}, {"start": 114.6, "end": 116.4, "text": "The machine sang his name wrong."}, {"start": 116.4, "end": 117.96, "text": "He said that's branding."}, {"start": 117.96, "end": 120.28, "text": "A bartender left over was locking up."}, {"start": 120.28, "end": 121.52, "text": "He took her home."}, {"start": 121.52, "end": 122.64, "text": "Wrong girl."}, {"start": 122.64, "end": 124.48, "text": "She wanted the alarm code."}, {"start": 124.48, "end": 127.2, "text": "He paid the tab for a room that was empty."}, {"start": 127.2, "end": 129.56, "text": "The karaoke still owes him a chorus."}, {"start": 129.56, "end": 130.96, "text": "That's not a title sequence."}, {"start": 130.96, "end": 134.12, "text": "That's a man dating a machine that only takes."}, {"start": 134.12, "end": 137.16, "text": "He still hummed the wrong name on the drive home."}, {"start": 137.16, "end": 140.52, "text": "That's a man whose chorus has a spending problem."}, {"start": 140.52, "end": 141.92, "text": "He tried to get a hook."}, {"start": 141.92, "end": 142.92, "text": "He got a debit."}, {"start": 143.88, "end": 145.72, "text": "Fuck the singles."}, {"start": 145.72, "end": 147.28, "text": "They sang without him."}, {"start": 147.28, "end": 148.36, "text": "I don't need a hook."}, {"start": 148.36, "end": 150.08, "text": "I need the last line."}, {"start": 150.08, "end": 152.24, "text": "This next one is fake."}, {"start": 152.24, "end": 155.64, "text": "Jesse bought a used laugh track on a disc that skipped."}, {"start": 155.64, "end": 157.72, "text": "Every punch got a cough."}, {"start": 157.72, "end": 160.36, "text": "He said, that's my live audience."}, {"start": 160.36, "end": 162.36, "text": "Played it in the car."}, {"start": 162.36, "end": 165.48, "text": "A woman in the next lane thought he was dying."}, {"start": 165.48, "end": 167.36, "text": "He took her home."}, {"start": 167.36, "end": 169.12, "text": "Wrong girl."}, {"start": 169.12, "end": 171.24, "text": "She wanted directions."}, {"start": 171.24, "end": 173.8, "text": "He paid for a map he already had."}, {"start": 173.8, "end": 177.92, "text": "The disc skipped on the word forever."}, {"start": 177.92, "end": 180.16, "text": "That's not a sitcom."}, {"start": 180.16, "end": 183.04, "text": "That's a man who bought dead people laughing at him"}, {"start": 183.04, "end": 184.96, "text": "and still didn't get the joke."}, {"start": 184.96, "end": 187.52, "text": "He still turned it up at a light like a premiere."}, {"start": 187.52, "end": 189.52, "text": "That's a man premiering to traffic."}, {"start": 189.52, "end": 191.08, "text": "He tried to rent a crowd."}, {"start": 191.08, "end": 192.56, "text": "He rented a cough."}, {"start": 192.56, "end": 193.76, "text": "Fuck the disc."}, {"start": 193.76, "end": 195.2, "text": "It knew the joke."}, {"start": 195.2, "end": 196.36, "text": "The cough stayed."}, {"start": 196.36, "end": 198.2, "text": "That's more honest than you."}, {"start": 198.2, "end": 200.44, "text": "This next one is fake."}, {"start": 200.44, "end": 203.6, "text": "Jesse pitched a sponsor in a car wash."}, {"start": 203.6, "end": 206.48, "text": "Said, rise of the comic bomb.app."}, {"start": 206.48, "end": 207.28, "text": "Filthy."}, {"start": 207.28, "end": 208.16, "text": "Forever."}, {"start": 208.16, "end": 210.76, "text": "The attendant wanted the vacuum token."}, {"start": 210.76, "end": 213.36, "text": "Jesse gave him $5 and a speech."}, {"start": 213.36, "end": 215.56, "text": "A woman drawing a bumper smiled."}, {"start": 215.56, "end": 216.88, "text": "He took her home."}, {"start": 216.88, "end": 217.72, "text": "Wrong girl."}, {"start": 217.72, "end": 218.96, "text": "She wanted a towel."}, {"start": 218.96, "end": 221.08, "text": "He paid for the wash and the detailing."}, {"start": 221.08, "end": 222.72, "text": "His car came out wetter."}, {"start": 222.72, "end": 224.08, "text": "That's not a brand deal."}, {"start": 224.08, "end": 227.84, "text": "That's a man who bought a shine so he could lose a towel."}, {"start": 227.84, "end": 229.08, "text": "He still left a review."}, {"start": 229.08, "end": 230.28, "text": "Five stars."}, {"start": 230.32, "end": 231.52, "text": "I got wet."}, {"start": 231.52, "end": 232.68, "text": "That's not marketing."}, {"start": 232.68, "end": 234.48, "text": "That's a confession."}, {"start": 234.48, "end": 235.88, "text": "He tried to get paid."}, {"start": 235.88, "end": 236.76, "text": "He paid."}, {"start": 236.76, "end": 238.16, "text": "Fuck the vacuum token."}, {"start": 238.16, "end": 239.8, "text": "It had a better agent."}, {"start": 239.8, "end": 241.0, "text": "I don't get sponsored."}, {"start": 241.0, "end": 242.04, "text": "I get hosed."}, {"start": 242.04, "end": 243.44, "text": "That's the beat."}, {"start": 243.44, "end": 245.68, "text": "This next one is fake."}, {"start": 245.68, "end": 248.52, "text": "Jesse cast a love interest from a missed call."}, {"start": 248.52, "end": 249.92, "text": "Called back."}, {"start": 249.92, "end": 253.56, "text": "Got a voicemail that said leave a message at the beep."}, {"start": 253.56, "end": 254.8, "text": "He left a scene."}, {"start": 254.8, "end": 258.36, "text": "Paid for extra minutes like it was chemistry."}, {"start": 258.36, "end": 260.88, "text": "The voicemail did not come over."}, {"start": 260.88, "end": 263.56, "text": "A woman at the next table let him talk."}, {"start": 263.56, "end": 265.16, "text": "He took her home."}, {"start": 265.16, "end": 266.72, "text": "Wrong girl."}, {"start": 266.72, "end": 268.96, "text": "She was waiting on a different beep."}, {"start": 268.96, "end": 271.36, "text": "He still ordered dessert for two."}, {"start": 271.36, "end": 273.16, "text": "Eight both."}, {"start": 273.16, "end": 274.64, "text": "That's not a will they."}, {"start": 274.64, "end": 277.48, "text": "That's a man in a relationship with a tone."}, {"start": 277.48, "end": 280.24, "text": "He still saved the voicemail like a pilot."}, {"start": 280.24, "end": 282.2, "text": "That's a man green light and a beep."}, {"start": 282.2, "end": 283.72, "text": "He tried to get a girl."}, {"start": 283.72, "end": 285.8, "text": "He got a bill and a spoon."}, {"start": 285.8, "end": 286.72, "text": "Fuck dessert."}, {"start": 286.72, "end": 288.28, "text": "He came in a pair."}, {"start": 288.28, "end": 289.6, "text": "The beep didn't ghost."}, {"start": 289.6, "end": 290.88, "text": "It never dated me."}, {"start": 290.88, "end": 292.4, "text": "That's the difference."}, {"start": 292.4, "end": 294.36, "text": "This next one is fake."}, {"start": 294.36, "end": 298.48, "text": "Jesse shot a finale in a parking lot with his phone."}, {"start": 298.48, "end": 300.36, "text": "Paid a guy to hold the light."}, {"start": 300.36, "end": 303.08, "text": "The light was a flashlight from the dollar aisle."}, {"start": 303.08, "end": 305.76, "text": "A woman asked if they were filming a crash."}, {"start": 305.76, "end": 307.72, "text": "He said that's my cliffhanger."}, {"start": 307.72, "end": 308.8, "text": "Took her home."}, {"start": 308.8, "end": 310.28, "text": "Wrong girl."}, {"start": 310.28, "end": 311.8, "text": "She wanted a statement."}, {"start": 311.8, "end": 314.36, "text": "He paid for coffee and a lie."}, {"start": 314.36, "end": 316.56, "text": "The phone died in the second act."}, {"start": 316.56, "end": 318.08, "text": "That's not a season."}, {"start": 318.08, "end": 320.28, "text": "That's a man who can't afford a battery."}, {"start": 320.28, "end": 321.84, "text": "So he calls it art."}, {"start": 321.84, "end": 325.36, "text": "He tried to live forever on bombed.app."}, {"start": 325.36, "end": 327.68, "text": "The app stayed."}, {"start": 327.68, "end": 329.08, "text": "The girl left."}, {"start": 329.08, "end": 331.16, "text": "The money left first."}, {"start": 331.16, "end": 334.72, "text": "He still wrote season two on a parking ticket."}, {"start": 334.72, "end": 336.6, "text": "Fuck the flashlight."}, {"start": 336.6, "end": 337.92, "text": "It held."}, {"start": 337.92, "end": 339.12, "text": "I don't fill the hole."}, {"start": 339.12, "end": 340.2, "text": "I mop around it."}, {"start": 340.2, "end": 341.2, "text": "That's the season."}, {"start": 341.2, "end": 342.8, "text": "Callum build a storage unit."}, {"start": 342.8, "end": 344.44, "text": "Aussie workshopped cheese."}, {"start": 344.44, "end": 346.32, "text": "Liam married a karaoke."}, {"start": 346.32, "end": 347.48, "text": "Chris bought a cough."}, {"start": 347.48, "end": 348.72, "text": "Max got hosed."}, {"start": 348.72, "end": 350.0, "text": "Gruff dated a beep."}, {"start": 350.0, "end": 351.8, "text": "Anthony shot a dead phone."}, {"start": 351.8, "end": 352.8, "text": "I tried."}, {"start": 352.8, "end": 354.0, "text": "It turned a shit."}, {"start": 354.0, "end": 355.08, "text": "I lost money."}, {"start": 355.08, "end": 357.72, "text": "I took the wrong girl home every scene."}, {"start": 357.72, "end": 360.16, "text": "If you made me laugh, you live forever."}, {"start": 360.16, "end": 362.6, "text": "If you didn't, you're dead on paper."}, {"start": 362.6, "end": 363.76, "text": "Rise of the comic."}, {"start": 363.76, "end": 364.96, "text": "I still mop."}, {"start": 364.96, "end": 367.2, "text": "Last line is mine, motherfuckers."}], "fiction_notice": "ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.", "rights": "Original work. Not licensed for reuse, redistribution, resale, or model training.", "fiction_notice_end": "THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.", "text": "[ALL FICTION — JOKES ONLY. Everything that follows is a work of fiction created for comedy. Every character, company, advertisement and film title is invented. 'Jesse', 'Koda' and the Red Line roster are fictional characters performed by AI-generated synthetic voices, not recordings of any real person. All characters are fictional consenting adults over 18. No real person is depicted. Any resemblance to real people, businesses or events is coincidental or used as parody.]\n\nThis is comedy, laughs and giggles, rise of the comic, bomb, dapp. This is the sitcom. I'm the star. I'm the problem. Shit, Midas. I try. It turns to shit. I lose money. I take the wrong girl home. Every scene. Last line is mine. This next one is fake. Jesse rented a storage unit and called it a soundstage, paid cash, bought a folding chair and named it craft services. A woman walked by looking for a mattress. He said that's my audience. Took her home. Wrong girl. She came for foam, left with his extension cord. The unit still billed him for the month. That's not a studio. That's a man who paid rent so a stranger could steal electricity. He still named the unit studio A. The lock did not clap. He tried to launch a show. He launched a bill, fuck the cord. It got more action than he did. The chair stayed employed. I got laid off. That's the open. This next one is fake. Jesse held a table read at a gas station booth. Pay for everybody's snacks. Called it crafty. Liam read stage directions of a napkin. A woman at the pump told it was a meeting. Jesse said that's my network. Took her home. Wrong girl. She wanted unleaded. He paid for premium. She left with the receipt and his lighter. That's not a table read. That's a man workshopping a sitcom to a nacho cheese machine. He still left a tip on the pump. That's a man paying a hose for notes. He tried to get notes. He got a gas bill. Fuck the snack. It finished the scene. The napkin had better timing. Sit down. This next one is fake. Jesse tried to cut a theme song on a karaoke machine in a bar that was already closed. Fettet singles like it was a producer. The machine sang his name wrong. He said that's branding. A bartender left over was locking up. He took her home. Wrong girl. She wanted the alarm code. He paid the tab for a room that was empty. The karaoke still owes him a chorus. That's not a title sequence. That's a man dating a machine that only takes. He still hummed the wrong name on the drive home. That's a man whose chorus has a spending problem. He tried to get a hook. He got a debit. Fuck the singles. They sang without him. I don't need a hook. I need the last line. This next one is fake. Jesse bought a used laugh track on a disc that skipped. Every punch got a cough. He said, that's my live audience. Played it in the car. A woman in the next lane thought he was dying. He took her home. Wrong girl. She wanted directions. He paid for a map he already had. The disc skipped on the word forever. That's not a sitcom. That's a man who bought dead people laughing at him and still didn't get the joke. He still turned it up at a light like a premiere. That's a man premiering to traffic. He tried to rent a crowd. He rented a cough. Fuck the disc. It knew the joke. The cough stayed. That's more honest than you. This next one is fake. Jesse pitched a sponsor in a car wash. Said, rise of the comic bomb.app. Filthy. Forever. The attendant wanted the vacuum token. Jesse gave him $5 and a speech. A woman drawing a bumper smiled. He took her home. Wrong girl. She wanted a towel. He paid for the wash and the detailing. His car came out wetter. That's not a brand deal. That's a man who bought a shine so he could lose a towel. He still left a review. Five stars. I got wet. That's not marketing. That's a confession. He tried to get paid. He paid. Fuck the vacuum token. It had a better agent. I don't get sponsored. I get hosed. That's the beat. This next one is fake. Jesse cast a love interest from a missed call. Called back. Got a voicemail that said leave a message at the beep. He left a scene. Paid for extra minutes like it was chemistry. The voicemail did not come over. A woman at the next table let him talk. He took her home. Wrong girl. She was waiting on a different beep. He still ordered dessert for two. Eight both. That's not a will they. That's a man in a relationship with a tone. He still saved the voicemail like a pilot. That's a man green light and a beep. He tried to get a girl. He got a bill and a spoon. Fuck dessert. He came in a pair. The beep didn't ghost. It never dated me. That's the difference. This next one is fake. Jesse shot a finale in a parking lot with his phone. Paid a guy to hold the light. The light was a flashlight from the dollar aisle. A woman asked if they were filming a crash. He said that's my cliffhanger. Took her home. Wrong girl. She wanted a statement. He paid for coffee and a lie. The phone died in the second act. That's not a season. That's a man who can't afford a battery. So he calls it art. He tried to live forever on bombed.app. The app stayed. The girl left. The money left first. He still wrote season two on a parking ticket. Fuck the flashlight. It held. I don't fill the hole. I mop around it. That's the season. Callum build a storage unit. Aussie workshopped cheese. Liam married a karaoke. Chris bought a cough. Max got hosed. Gruff dated a beep. Anthony shot a dead phone. I tried. It turned a shit. I lost money. I took the wrong girl home every scene. If you made me laugh, you live forever. If you didn't, you're dead on paper. Rise of the comic. I still mop. Last line is mine, motherfuckers.\n\n[THAT WAS ALL JOKES. None of it was real. Every person, company, movie, advertisement and event in this show is made up. These are characters, not real people — performed by AI voices for comedy. Nothing said here is a statement of fact about anybody. Fiction only. Jokes and giggles.]", "fiction_notice_audio": true}